so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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