Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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