there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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