Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
