i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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