I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
