so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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