He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
