She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
