Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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