When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
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He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
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My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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