oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
