Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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