i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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