So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
