Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
