so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I need moral support for this bender
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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