Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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