My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
