Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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