Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
