my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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