So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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