Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
