And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
