Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
