What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
