Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
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do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
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He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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