wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
