you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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