so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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