Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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