On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
her vagine was all disorganized.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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