Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
