She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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