I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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