We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
