this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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