My hair reeks of homosexuality.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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