his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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