OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
