If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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