There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
