Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
