i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
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I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
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So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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