Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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