The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
