I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
