I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
