My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
