Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
