I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
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I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
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And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Shame - the story of my life.
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