with your own penis?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize