you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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