We won't sleep together?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
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