Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
