So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
