the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
