he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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