Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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