I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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