I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
