He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
