youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
