oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
