When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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