Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
