oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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