Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
please come you make the beer taste better
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
