I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
