cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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