i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
