my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
two words: eviction party
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
