What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
