I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
third nipple confirmed
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
