apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
