wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
